walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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