I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
