Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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