ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
