My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
