You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
