Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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