My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
