i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
