listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
