I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
