In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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