My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
