Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
