I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize