Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
