there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I still have a little drunk in my system
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
