My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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