I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
