How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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