I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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