I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
