We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
