drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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