Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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