I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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