question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he thought i was a dude.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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