im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
