I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
