census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
