dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
