The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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