fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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