I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
