Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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