are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
