That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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