brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize