Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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