I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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