He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
