We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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