youre lurking in front of me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry about my life...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
how drunk are you?
Several
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
