you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
