Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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