my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i think i just lost a toe
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
