Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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