I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
