I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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