I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
